“There are many possible causes for an illness, but regardless, there is always a contradiction at the level of the soul. This contradiction means that there are two opposing forces at work. The result of this tug-of-war of these opposing forces is a crack in the substance of the soul that manifests in the physical body in accordance with one’s genetics and a series of physical, psychological and spiritual laws, which we may simply call karma. For this reason, this contradiction needs to be known and understood, because it is only through this comprehension that a prognosis can be made.”
Sri Prem Baba
I’ve been Consumed with the diagnosis – it has taken over. With every thought, every breath, every moment, it is always with me. Because of that I’ve been coming from every place of fear and not from love.
Then my friend and I went to see the musical the color purple. My soul soared. My soul opened up and cried and shed fear and fell in love with every performer on that stage who showed all of us God!! Every soul and cell of everyone in that audience that evening was ignited, high on life. We were cheering, shouting, and celebrating life. I felt open, reborn , rejuvenated.
I used to enjoy being by myself and doing things alone. Watching movies now is the only thing I like to do now with just me. I can honestly and openly say that I don’t like being by myself anymore.
I believe an artist who stands on the stage in front of thousands can also feel very alone.
In NYC a city of millions where I live I also feel very alone. Not connected. That, I believe, is the key to the happiness – connected life with other souls.
The wind moves in different directions and to go with the wind is to move with the flow of life. When you move against the wind you become stuck and a battle begins.
I am watching the wind blow the sea gulls across the sky. They are free within themselves to be moved. Not to fight it. Not to think about it. Not to analyze it. I can honestly say that I wish I was a seagull who is flowing.
I feel stuck. I feel an inner voice that keeps talking to me saying I must do something that makes a difference In this world. Now the voice is getting stronger and stronger. My soul is in such torment because I am neglecting the real reason why I love life so much. I want to make a difference in this world. I want to help women realize the incredible strength that lies deep within them.
I want to empower young girls in third world countries so that they can stand up and become leaders in their community.
My friend blurted out today, “We are the crazy cancer chicks.”
So that is our new label. Cancer chicks!!! We both have stage 4 cancer and decided that we are going to make this year fun and achieve all our goals. We have promised each other to make a list of what we want to achieve and make sure that we each stay on our path.
I asked her what she wanted her children to remember of her. She said – Strength. That their mother was a strong woman. That she gave them their strength and their independence at a young age. She has done this beautifully. I admire the path that she chose: To give her children their own lives, even if that meant for her letting go. That is pure strength and beauty. To really let go and let your children go so they can soar. I am amazed at her courage. I wish I could tell the world about the gift that she gave to her children when she was diagnosed. It is the truest act of going with your heart and not operating from what should happen or being on a track with what society says we should do.
Have you ever seen the skit where Madeline khan is saying “flames, flames?” If you haven’t, please watch it. It is hilarious. She must have been talking about menopause.
My whole inner heating system has been turned on. At 48 I have been turned into a heat-raving, foggy-brained, emotional, dazed and confused woman.
I love when the doctors look at me and say, “Well, you were close to menopause anyway.”
My soul guided me to go to Brazil. So I found myself on a plane heading into the unknown and not questioning what I was guided to learn.
I had received the reading material before I left for the trip and couldn’t quite get around to reading it or bother looking up the hotel where I was staying. None of that mattered to me. I just listened to my soul.
I expected nothing and therefore everything that happened and all the people that I met in this one-lane town was all a wonderful gift. I felt blessed to have a bed, a warm shower, nice food and a group of women that were lovely and there for their own souls’ purpose.